Meghan McCain finds herself embroiled in controversy this morning after posting a picture on popular social networking site Twitter.com yesterday in which she holds an Andy Warhol biography and smiles, clearly implying she enjoys it. The wildly sexy McCain, contributing writer for the website The Daily Beast, and her choice of literature elicited hundreds of negative comments and vociferous outrage about her choice of reading material.
“WHAT THE -?!” posted Twitter user SirSnarksalot. “How someone as mind-blowingly attractive as @McCainBlogette could be interested in a pasty no-talent like Warhol is personally offensive!”
“Incredible!” posted McDeetzey. “With a YOWZA body and killer smile like @McCainBlogette has, you think she’d know better! Warhol was a hack!” Continue reading
John Savo, the force of nature responsible for The Authoring Auctioneer, has been a likeable acquaintance of mine for some time, and an unlikeable one even longer. We grew up together in the mines, unearthing coal in the PA tunnels and owing our souls to the company store like many generations before us. Somewhere along the way, this guy got blogging and drinking enough to qualify as middle class, and next thing you know he’s spending more time in Olyphant than is recommended for one’s health and calling it a life. Strange, I know. Recently, he contacted me with hopes of conducting an interview regarding my rousing campaign for the Presidency in 2016. After many consultations with my legal team (i.e. my girlfriend and my lunatic upstairs neighbor), I agreed.
: Your day-job involves processing insurance claims. This is your first qualifiction to be President of these United States.
: Nothing prepares you to sympathize with the plight of the common man like working in medical insurance. I suppose it would be better to be an oil man? Or a golddigger? Not that I’m against golddigging – fine sport, really. But really, besides education, money, real world experience, poise, and a zest for young interns, what do politicians have? Nothing that you don’t find in your average claims processor. Let’s not discount the years I spent working in the mall either, slick. That’s real f*ckin’ life right there. Continue reading
Filed under humor, Politics
The race for the 2016 Presidency is now well underway, and honestly, things could have started off better in Camp Cetta, that’s for damn sure. Thus far we’ve raised approximately squat to fund the campaign, making it hard to hire staff, and harder to afford bribes, plus we are yet to be approached by civic organizations, lobbyists, special interest groups, the mafia and/or a political party willing to endorse or even recognize our efforts. Our headquarters, currently located in the laundry room of our building, is still without so much as a banner, and our offer to appear on Hardball to discuss the issues of the future with Chris Matthews has gone unaccepted. Things are looking kinda bleak here on day five.
Nonetheless we press on. Despite our fiscal and masculine shortcomings, some events this past week showed promise for the long haul. The candidate (me) pressed the flesh while strolling past the Sheffield Garden Walk, but accidentally, as I didn’t negotiate the sidewalk well and went hands first into a group of DePaul students, who were not appreciative of my mauling. I then chose to pass up actually entering the event, as I felt the cover charge for such a thing was, in so many words, “egregious.” (The actual word used was more colorful and related to feces) Continue reading
Let’s face it, the nation has gone completely to hell. This isn’t a euphemism either. I believe the explanation for the country’s ailments is that leadership bargained away our collective soul and we are now beginning the descent into the fiery abyss, replete with hot pokers aimed at the colon and demons ready to roast your tootsies on shish kebabs. Better stock up on Bermuda shorts and capris, cause the heatwave is about to become a year round event.
Thankfully, this is an election year, in which new leadership will attempt to right the rickety ship of state, and bring us back to prominence in the global community. America came in just behind Nairobi and Columbia in the popularity vote from this year’s Earth Prom in May (China won again, and we suspect voter tampering as always). Our poor showing may be due to the fact that we brought Iraq, again, as our date, and that bitch is really holding us back on the dance floor. And rumors persist that we’re practically married to that hag by now, and that we’re going to same college in the fall, so there really is no end in sight.
I have assessed the situation to the best of my political science abilities, surveyed the state of things and determined the direction best for this once great land, coming ultimately to two quick conclusions: 1) I know slightly less about international politics than I do about ice fishing and 2) I am primed and ready to announce my candidacy for President of the United States. Continue reading