Category Archives: Movies

May 9, 2019 · 1:18 pm

The Set of 400: #345 – My Favorite Bleached Charger

Today! Because let’s just say we’re doing it for an old pal from the Army –

White Christmas (1954)

Directed by Michael Curtiz

Starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, Vera-Ellen, Dean Jagger, Mary Wickes, John Brascia, Anne Whitfield, George Chakiris, Barrie Chase, Sig Ruman, Carl “Alfalfa” Switzer

My relationship with White Christmas has evolved quite a bit over the years. It went from a movie I barely noticed – that let’s put on a show musical was never my jam – to something periodically airing in the household, to a movie I watch every year in theaters because it is on a double bill with It’s a Wonderful Life, culminating with its place as (apparently) my favorite film from 1954.

Due to a one-off viewing of the George Bailey extravaganza in Tunkhannock, PA well predating the Music Box’s Christmas Spectacular, White Christmas will likely never jump into even a tie for the movie I’ve seen in a theater the most – but it is solidly in second. And this whole process has also proven it to be #1 in my heart from that calendar year, with only Seven Samurai to beat in ’54. Hell, it could be worse – 1955 and 1958 field no movies whatsoever (spoiler for years to come!). This is the first time we’ve had a movie on this list that can be awarded favorite of a particular year, and so –

Congratulations!

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May 8, 2019 · 1:20 pm

The Set of 400: #346 – My Favorite Lewd Fowl

Today! Because if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn’t be in Cleve-land –

Howard the Duck (1986)

Directed by Willard Huyck

Starring Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Chip Zien, Holly Robinson, David Paymer (x2), Richard Kiley, Paul Guilfoyle, Dominique Davalos, Tommy Swerdlow, Miguel Sandoval

I am fully aware of how terrible a movie this is, thank you very much. And while I do have an unnatural affinity for bad films, not too many actually wound up on this list. The Room, the apex of modern awful cinema, lurked around the long list and kept angling to knock Rocky IV out of #400th, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The circumstances needed to enjoy that movie are so specific that I felt they removed it from competition – has to be with a crowd, should be at midnight, I have to be at least four cocktails to the worse. So no, Howard the Duck isn’t just some guilty pleasure, cheeky, oh look how cute he thinks it’s funny to include lousy movies thing. I genuinely enjoy this pile of merde de canard.

Still, even though it doesn’t appear on the list, The Room‘s Greek God Greg Sestero does feature prominently in one of my favorite pictures ever

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May 7, 2019 · 1:10 pm

The Set of 400: #347 – My Favorite Tattoo Clues

Today! Because we all lie to ourselves to be happy –

Memento (2000)

Directed by Christopher Nolan

Starring Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss, Joe Pantoliano, Stephen Tobolowsky (x3), Thomas Lennon (x2), Mark Boone Junior, Callum Keith Rennie, Jorja Fox

A singularly great film, Memento bestowed on the world the inestimable gift of Christopher Nolan – the closest thing to Spielberg since Spielberg, but operating with a decidedly adult bent in his giant feature films. From its twisty, complex screenplay to the wildly inventive, imaginative direction, to the whole story unfolding with increased tension suspense backwards through the plot – there really has never been anything else quite like it. As much as I might enjoy some other Nolan films more, and think one or two to be legitimately better, he is unlikely to make anything more technically impressive than Memento. Okay, Dunkirk is pretty stunning as well. Nolan is a master of the first order, is what I’m saying.

Saving Private Ryan wishes it was Dunkirk

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May 6, 2019 · 1:23 pm

The Set of 400: #348 – My Favorite French Toast

Today! Because I could teach Japanese to a monkey in 46 hours –

Road Trip (2000)

Directed by Todd Phillips

Starring Breckin Meyer, Seann William Scott, DJ Qualls, Tom Green, Amy Smart, Paulo Costanzo, Rachel Blanchard, Anthony Rapp, Horatio Sanz, Fred Ward, Andy Dick, Ethan Suplee (x2), Ellen Albertini Dow (x2), Mary Lynn Rajskub, Todd Barry, Matt Walsh (x2)

This stupid load of gross-out jokes and sex gags came along at just the right time to still find itself on this list. Summer 2000 figures smack dab in the middle of my epic baccalaureate run (Keystone Giants shoutout!), and this bullshit nonsense about a bunch of dudes driving from Ithaca to Austin to recover some hastily made sex tape (relateable premise!) features just enough mind relaxing elements so as to not harsh the party atmosphere of ’00 in my life. Sure, it was marketed as a Tom Green flick, even though he doesn’t factor into the main plot at all, and the commercials emphasized the boobs over almost anything, but there is actually a lot of solid comedy to be found here. Even today, as I rapidly approach middle age and have less in common with every character in this film than I ever did before. Continue reading →

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May 4, 2019 · 1:10 pm

The Set of 400: Gadzooks! The Third in a Multi-Part Series

Man, how many list mistakes did this moron make? Quite a few, junior! Some of these additional movies didn’t occur to me last summer, and some did but I hadn’t seen them in a while and didn’t rewatch them with the multiple dozen other films I saw in preparation for this undertaking. And so here we are, unspooling on weekends like badly supervised dads with court-ordered visitation rights! These films need their days in the sun, too! And so –

The Rising of the Moon (1957)

History largely disagrees with the poster’s declaration of this being John Ford’s finest film, but that is not to takeaway from this marvelously charming picture. Very much a companion piece to Ford’s The Quiet Man, this collection of Irish vignettes has a light, fun touch, featuring similarly good natured characters in mildly comic situations. While the capping sequence deals a condemned revolutionary’s attempts to escape his doom – replete with disguises and ballads galore – and is the obvious one to close the picture, the real highlight is the film’s middle section – the terrific “One Minute Wait,” dealing with a myriad of delayed train passengers. And as a bonus – movie star Tyrone Power introducing the segments!

It should come as no surprise that this was a favorite of my old man, and for years the only version I saw was a dingy VHS copy from television. In fact, The Rising of the Moon is the direct reason I ultimately got a burner – to copy this movie from television onto a disc, as it had never been properly released on DVD. I felt wholly accomplished and heroic in this move – even though it did get the modern home video release mere months later. Ah well! I tried!

Had it occurred to me, this movie would probably place around where we are now – maybe back a few days. I could see this residing around #353, just ahead of Jaws 2. Sorry, John Ford!

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May 3, 2019 · 1:08 pm

The Set of 400: #349 – My Favorite Water Glass Musician

Today! Because the man has an axe, there’s two of us – there’ll be four of us in no time –

Broadway Danny Rose (1984)

Directed by Woody Allen

Starring Woody Allen, Mia Farrow (x2), Nick Apollo Forte, Milton Berle (x2), Sandy Baron, Corbett Monica, Morty Gunty, Will Jordan, Jackie Gayle, Howard Storm, Joe Franklin, Michael Badalucco (x2), Howard Cosell

As intimated way back in #399’s Payback, there is a certain point when a filmmaker/actor/writer’s outside life is going to influence the perception of their work. But what will be a much more prevalent issue on this list is the sheer volume of Woody Allen films, compared to Mel Gibson’s – with which I believe we have already finished. Troubles aside, I’ve been an unabashed fan of Woody’s for most of my life – and didn’t see any of his films until after the early scandal of his imploding marriage to Mia/taking up with Soon-Yi. I know this incident was enough for many people to bail on him entirely, but this was pretty much always built into my knowledge of the guy, given the age I was at when it happened. This, of course, says nothing about the later accusations. Continue reading →

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May 2, 2019 · 1:22 pm

The Set of 400: #350 – My Favorite Razor Licking

Today! Because I have crossed oceans of time to find you –

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Starring Gary Oldman (x2), Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Cary Elwes (x3), Richard E. Grant, Sadie Frost, Tom Waits, Monica Bellucci, Billy Campbell

As I think I’ve mentioned before, 1992 was basically the year I realized good movies existed. I enjoyed movies before then – and some turned out to remain decent afterward – but for whatever reason, I turn 13 and all of a sudden I’m looking for a different level of quality and artistic merit in my entertainments. All this after Batman Returns, though, so let’s keep my 1992 in perspective. I still didn’t really know what good was, I just now had a more serious pursuit of it. And one of the movies that had a definite impact on this quest was Coppola’s wildly over-directed Dracula.

Without much risk, I can definitively state that this was Coppola’s last even remotely good movie. Not that he’s been cranking them out – only five true features over the last 27 years – but it was as though this film took every last thing out of him. And it’s all on the screen – the frenetic editing, the sheets of blood, Anthony Hopkins going completely ape-shit, Keanu Reeves acting – it’s mayhem. Artistic mayhem, sure, but still so chaotic that just imagine if this was your whole exposure to the Dracula character. Like, no Bela Lugosi, no Christopher Lee, just this – how would this character have ever become popular? He’s this age-swapping, hyper-passionate monster who can’t pick a hairdo and go with it?

Seriously, what the hell was this about?

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May 1, 2019 · 1:14 pm

The Set of 400: #351 – My Favorite Blue Pen

Today! Because the fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant –

Liar Liar (1997)

Directed by Tom Shadyac

Starring Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Cary Elwes (x2), Jennifer Tilly, Swoosie Kurtz, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Cheri Oteri, Justin Cooper, Anne Haney, Jason Bernard, Amanda Donohoe, Krista Allen (x2), Christopher Mayer

So look, I know ’90s era Jim Carrey comedies aren’t really holding up. Hell, for the most part they didn’t hold up a few months after they were released. I was never the world’s biggest Ace Ventura or Dumb and Dumber fan, but yeah, I liked them in ’94. Still, one movie that is basically as funny now as it was then is Liar Liar. Sure, it has all the wacky antics typical of the man’s work, but given the conceit of the film, it somehow doesn’t feel as over the top as, say, The Mask. And while it’s not my favorite of his pure comedies (see you on July 31st!), I still really enjoy Liar Liar.

A lawyer being forced to tell the truth? Classic American comeuppance! And the script is basically wall-to-wall awkward truth jokes, which I firmly believe could’ve been pulled off by almost any competent comedian. However, couple this already generically funny concept with Carrey, at the height of his fame and just down the hill a bit from his manic zenith, and you have a perfect vehicle for what he was doing in ’97. Ah, the summer of ’97! Have we talked about this before? I feel like we did (see #376’s Men in Black). I had just graduated from high school and the Clinton impeachment was still a good year away! That was some kind of year!

It was a simpler time of sex scandal fun!

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April 30, 2019 · 1:17 pm

The Set of 400: #352 – My Favorite Driving Miss Daisy Remake

Today! Because I know robot karate –

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

Directed by Michel Gondry

Starring Mos Def, Jack Black (x2), Danny Glover, Mia Farrow, Sigourney Weaver, Melonie Diaz, Jon Glaser, Kid Creole, Steve Cropper, Booker T. Jones

Whenever I watch this movie, I spend half of it imagining how I could create ultra low budget remakes of movies. Like, sure, I’d still need a job – this movie emphasizes you can’t make money from this idea very strongly – but as a pastime? There aren’t a ton of movies covering this concept – this and Me and Earl and the Dying Girl are all that come to mind – but as the acclaimed director of such notable shorts as Antigone: the Musical, Senor Sweeney Gomez, and Russian Bikini Hookers II: Hurricane Ho, I can tell that this movie gets a lot of things right about backyard filmmaking.

I mean, okay, the rest of the plot doesn’t manage to go anywhere of note, but what, were they just going to have Mos Def and Jack Black act out twisted, truncated versions of Rush Hour and Ghostbusters for two hours? Hmm…yeah, they should have, I’d totally watch that (of all the quick remakes they show, Men in Black and 2001 are my favorites). The middle sequences of the film where they are just renting out their videos (the video store’s collection got erased by a magnetized Black – don’t worry about it) and creating new ones couldn’t have been the whole movie without a much different framing plot, but man, if only! Continue reading →

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April 29, 2019 · 1:20 pm

The Set of 400: #353 – My Favorite American Political Absurdity

Today! Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water –

Jaws 2 (1978)

Directed by Jeannot Szwarc

Starring Roy Scheider, Lorraine Gary, Murray Hamilton, Jeffrey Kramer, Joseph Mascolo, Ann Dusenberry, Mark Gruner

Yeah, that’s right, Jaws 2! Shut up!

As I believe I wrote back in post #400 Rocky IV, when I was kid, we tended to watch movies and their sequels together – I don’t know if we had them copied onto the same tapes or if this was an active non-lazy choice, but the outcome was I often confused the details of these films, blending them together into a whole, and probably giving more credit to lesser sequels than they deserve. The shining example of this is Jaws 2. Figure, same setting, mostly the same characters, another shark, plus most of the real peril – the kids being stuck out on the water – is separate from all the actors who appear in the first movie. So I believe that for many years of my childhood, I could not differentiate between these two films. Continue reading →

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April 26, 2019 · 1:11 pm

The Set of 400: #354 – My Favorite Matchbook Clue

Today! Because a man becomes preeminent, he’s expected to have enthusiasms. What are mine? Baseball!

The Untouchables (1987)

Directed by Brian De Palma (x2)

Starring Kevin Costner (x2), Sean Connery (x2), Robert De Niro (x2), Andy Garcia, Charles Martin Smith, Jack Kehoe, Billy Drago, Patricia Clarkson, Richard Bradford, Brad Sullivan, Chelcie Ross, Clifton James, Del Close, Don Harvey

Brian De Palma’s second TV show adaptation to make the list, The Untouchables is in many ways the quintessential Chicago film. I mean, for all the basic improvement made here over the last hundred years, the two things you still hear most when the town comes up are the Great Fire and Al Capone. And while In Old Chicago is an okay bit of old Hollywood hokum about Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, it’s not in common cinematic parlance. Al Capone, however, has a new biopic or pops up in some TV show every year or two, right? When we were in London last year, and some waiter asked where we were from, the first thing he mentioned in response? Al Capone. Who has been dead for 70 years.

Chicago icon!

And not to continue too far down this path, but Chicago doesn’t even actively try to embrace the gangster past here. Sure, there’s a cheesy Untouchables Gangster Bus Tour, but no museums, no Al Capone key chains at any of the more official city gift shops. And yet, it hangs on. People like gangster movies, that’s the only explanation. Continue reading →

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April 25, 2019 · 1:12 pm

The Set of 400: #355 – My Favorite Bovine Disguise

Today! Because if everybody had a 12 gauge/with a surfboard too –

Top Secret! (1984)

Directed by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker (x2)

Starring Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Omar Sharif, Peter Cushing, Jeremy Kemp, Warren Clarke, Michael Gough, Jim Carter, Ian McNeice, Christopher Villiers, Harry Ditson

Coming on the heels of writing and/or directing The Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane!, and Police Squad!, the ZAZ team whipped up this WWII/Elvis parody, taking shots at everything from ’50s culture to The Blue Lagoon in the process. And while it might not reach quite the comedic heights of the productions before and after (The Naked Gun, Hot Shots!), there is a lot of fun in this film. Val Kilmer is terrific in his first big screen role, a sort of Conrad Birdie/Audie Murphy hybrid who interrupts the war resistance goings on to break out some rock & roll jams. He’s out to rescue fellow resister Hillary’s father, Dr. Flammond, played by the future Alfred to Kilmer’s Bruce Wayne Michael Gough! Huh! And Hillary actress Lucy Gutteridge’s only other role I’ve seen came in the same year, playing Belle to George C. Scott’s Scrooge! And Peter Cushing and Warren Clarke both co-starred with David Prowse in ’70s films on this list! None of this is really all that important.

This was some years after Clarke played Dim, being very dim

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April 24, 2019 · 1:26 pm

The Set of 400: #356 – My Favorite Pinball Machine Destruction

Today! Because there is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow!

Rocky III (1982)

Directed by Sylvester Stallone (x2)

Starring Sylvester Stallone (x2), Mr. T, Talia Shire (x2), Carl Weathers (x2), Burgess Meredith, Burt Young (x2), Tony Burton (x2), Hulk Hogan, Al Silvani

That’s right, we’re back where it all started – Rocky Balboa! Cast your mind to nearly two months back when this long journey began, as Rocky IV was the first movie announced on the Set of 400. Seems like yesterday, right? And yet here we are, with another Rocky movie! How fun for you!

3 has it over 4 in many respects, in my opinion. First, it has Burgess Meredith, at least for a little while. Second, it’s the rare Rocky film where the fights don’t go to the scorecards. Third, awesome beach running montages featuring a completely jacked Carl Weathers, and later his completely improbable footrace defeat by the much shorter Stallone. Fourth, Mr. T’s terrific bad guy turn as Clubber Lang. And lastly, Thunderlips, in the flesh, baby!

Amazingly, Hulk Hogan’s first of three appearances on this list – feel free to submit guesses on the other two and win respect!

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April 23, 2019 · 1:01 pm

The Set of 400: #357 – My Favorite Conspiracy Theory

Today! Because it’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma –

JFK (1991)

Directed by Oliver Stone

Starring Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones (x2), Joe Pesci, Kevin Bacon (x2), Gary Oldman, Laurie Metcalf, Sissy Spacek, Jack Lemmon, Donald Sutherland (x2), Walter Matthau, Ed Asner, John Candy (x2), Sally Kirkland, Vincent D’Onofrio (x2), John Larroquette, Ron Rifkin, Bob Gunton, Michael Rooker, Jay O. Sanders, Brian Doyle-Murray, Wayne Knight, Beata Pozniak, Gary Grubbs, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Frank Whaley

Like most eighth graders, I had a big JFK assassination phase. It was probably prompted by this movie, but there also was a lot of new press swirling around the event at the time of movie’s release, so maybe a combination of the two. Figure, even though the movie very directly covers the trial of Clay Shaw, it also proposes a lot of theories regarding the assassination that maybe hadn’t been widely disseminated, or widely considered, before then. So the press around it was crazy, and 12-year-old Joe got sucked in. I distinctly remember prowling Holy Rosary’s dinky library trying to uncover all the details I could find, in encyclopedias, mostly (shoutout to my long closed middle school!). Continue reading →

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April 22, 2019 · 1:08 pm

The Set of 400: #358 – My Favorite Genital Surprise

Today! Because you’ve got to be a fucking Rembrandt to put on makeup –

Switch (1991)

Directed by Blake Edwards

Starring Ellen Barkin, Jimmy Smits, JoBeth Williams, Lorraine Bracco (x2), Tony Roberts, Perry King, Lysette Anthony, Catherine Keener, Bruce Payne, Jim J. Bullock, Tea Leoni, Michael Badalucco, Victoria Mahoney, Basil Hoffman

Not to be confused with the Bateman/Aniston film of the same name plus a The, Switch was another cable staple of mine from the early ’90s, and man, the characters largely do not hold up. It’s a bunch of ’80s chauvinist dudes and vengeful, bitchy women thrown into a light-hearted Blake Edwards romp. It’s as 1991 as a movie can feel. Oh hey, and our second jaunt through ’91 in three days! I told you it’d get some love!

So while a lot of the antics are dated and borderline offense in retrospect, the reason this movie retains a spot on this big list is wholly Ellen Barkin’s tremendous performance, as the murdered jerk Steve reincarnated (that’s not really the right word – transmogrified, I guess?) as a woman, in order to find any women who liked him, and thus get into heaven. Don’t worry about the plot, it wildly doesn’t try to make sense. And while it does pay some quick service to how hard it is to be a woman in this asshole-prism of a man’s world, this is mostly an excuse for dude-trapped-in-a-hot-woman’s-body hijinks, of which there are many. The early promise of Barkin’s career never totally panned out – even though she’s had a fairly solid run in movies and TV, by and large – but I’d have to say this is her best overall performance. And it carries this film through its awkward twists and turns and bar fights. Continue reading →

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