(standing, from left – Clone #46 Delano, #20 Vitoadie, #48 Magnus, #23 Bobtail, #40 Junior, #14 Kevincible, seated from left #18 Georange, Stevie, #2 Jackwagon, floor #5 Dantopia)
Everyone thinks it must be so cool, having a bunch of clones. That’s what they always tell me. You’ve got this big pack of friends, you can play crazy tricks on girlfriends and neighbors, and you can test drive different hair lengths and styles without messing up your own head. Also (the way it was described to me early on) you’ve got a huge supply of spare organs, an enormous wardrobe, and multiple doppelgangers means high unlikelihood of assassination. It’s been a weird life.
The clinical story has been recounted by the press and biographers hundreds if not thousands of times, but here it is right from Patient X. I’m Stevie and I’ve got nineteen (remaining) clones. Continue reading
Recently, I ran across a darling little article on a website (n. website – it’s sort of like a video newspaper that doesn’t get smeary on your hands) about common mistakes the average working slob is making when compiling a resume. People working in an office/business/non-sex related capacity have become so used to management speak and phrasing that they were under the assumption that this is what those thick, troglodyte starched collars wanted to see on your menu of jobs and schools. Au contraire, amigo (multi-lingual-ality, it helps)!
Another day, another search for a new job
But I felt the article left a number of things off. Not everyone is working in the corporate sector, punching the clock and not the boss, eating lunch at the same Subway every day, chatting about the same lousy local sports team, what the weather is supposed to be like Sunday, and “Oh I hope it doesn’t rain cause we’ve gotta head out to the suburbs to get that cheap produce,” and “I don’t know who’s going to be the next mayor, but they better fix this parking situation!” Nope, so not all resumes should or would contain the same trite bullshit. For every “Team player” and “Goal-oriented” they advised against, they missed equally as hackneyed and cloying terms. Here now, Knowingly Undersold’s Resume Guide of Don’ts! Continue reading
The second installment in my epic threepiece of a children’s book series, circa 2005ish:
Thank You, Coma!
Joe was sad 😦
Life had sort of failed him lately 😦
Things took a turn for the worse when he was drinking on a Tuesday 😦
He had it bad, and that ain’t good.
One night, he went to a shindig at a local university.
While there he met many pretty girls and happening dudes, many of whom were playing an insane amount of a game called beer pong.
Joe decided he wanted to try this beer pong, and hang with the pretty girls and happening dudes. Continue reading