Tag Archives: Resume

50 Resume Destroying Buzzwords/Phrases/Ego-Driven Claims

Recently, I ran across a darling little article on a website (n. website – it’s sort of like a video newspaper that doesn’t get smeary on your hands) about common mistakes the average working slob is making when compiling a resume.  People working in an office/business/non-sex related capacity have become so used to management speak and phrasing that they were under the assumption that this is what those thick, troglodyte starched collars wanted to see on your menu of jobs and schools.  Au contraire, amigo (multi-lingual-ality, it helps)!

Another day, another search for a new job

But I felt the article left a number of things off.  Not everyone is working in the corporate sector, punching the clock and not the boss, eating lunch at the same Subway every day, chatting about the same lousy local sports team, what the weather is supposed to be like Sunday, and “Oh I hope it doesn’t rain cause we’ve gotta head out to the suburbs to get that cheap produce,” and “I don’t know who’s going to be the next mayor, but they better fix this parking situation!”  Nope, so not all resumes should or would contain the same trite bullshit.  For every “Team player” and “Goal-oriented” they advised against, they missed equally as hackneyed and cloying terms.  Here now, Knowingly Undersold’s Resume Guide of Don’ts! Continue reading

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Filed under humor, Work

My Executive Cover Letter

Here is a variation on the cover letter I sent around when I first arrived, in search of employment:

Joe, the Future Veep of Your Co.

Chicago, IL 60614

 

June 1, 2008

 

Re: Open bank Vice-President position

 

Dear Ladies, Gentlemen, or otherwise,

 

I am writing in regards to the available bank Vice-President position you have posted on Craigslist.  I feel with no little exaggeration that I can step in tomorrow and execute the demands of the role to within an inch of perfection.  So confident am I in fact that I suggest the current President best start scouting condos in Rehoboth Beach, because retirement is nigh. Continue reading

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Filed under Correspondence, humor, Work