Great day in the morning! I am pleased to announce that after a lengthy hiatus brought on by lawsuits and corruption and government meddling, smoking is back and better than ever! Big Tobacco has somehow managed to overcome the psychotic litany of laws meant to limit the growth of their industry and bring sweet, sweet smoking out of the shadows and back to the parlor!
A recent study shows that smoking rose among adults in 2008 for the first time in fifteen years. Smoking among young adults is also on the rise, both here and overseas, and in a recent poll the most admired man in America was revealed to be none other than Don Draper, the fictitious lead character on AMC’s Mad Men. The only explanation of Draper’s success, considering he’s a two-faced, womanizing jerk in a glorified office job, is that he smokes pretty much constantly. Cigarettes are back on top!
Now it’s time to capitalize! For too long legislation has been produced limiting where you can smoke and making you pay huge taxes for buying those beautiful, flammable sticks of delight. Clearly America doesn’t care how much it costs or how often they have to stand out in the snow and rain to enjoy it, people are craving their smokes in greater numbers than previously believed possible, and they have rights too! Back in the family room! Back in the Burger King! Back on United Airlines! Smokers have rights too! Continue reading