As Team Cetta continues to solicit for advice and bribes, the campaign itself has begun to develop and adjust its opinions on the issues of the day. I would like to announce first off that we’ve decided to alter the one concrete stance taken thus far and state that we are now unequivocally Pro-Clown. After some deep soul searching, plus the truckload of honking noses and unicycles generously donated to the warchest, we chose to support clown efforts worldwide, despite the villainy of the Joker.
In addition, some recent developments on the globe have led us as a team to face down some controversial issues and take sides. And so, in this stunning day in an age of turmoil and upheaval, I’m announcing that our campaign will not now or ever accept contributions or support from tornadoes. A few days back, tornado alerts kept the candidate (myself) from procuring a sound night’s sleep, and blocked a sidewalk near headquarters – the laundry room of our apartment building – causing much inconvenience for the candidate and the staff (the lousy stray cat the girlfriend has named Chester). So we are against tornadoes, and will look to outlaw them through sweeping legislation when taking office in January ’17.
A recent question posed to the candidate at a local eatery also inspired a bit of stance making. In a round table discussion with local food enthusiasts, the candidate was asked “White or wheat?” The wheels got turning at this, and within the hour we decided as a team (after an impromptu focus group with a nearby table of patrons) that wheat is the official bread choice of the future. White’s reign of tyranny is over, and rye had better watch its ass in the Cetta administration as well.
So for those keeping track, cause believe you me, it gets complicated charting what you are for and against in politics, we are now Pro-Clowns, Anti-Tornadoes, and Promoting the Eating of Wheat Bread. Whew! Finally! Some principles to stand behind! Also, if my old high school principal would like to join us on the rostrum some day, we’ll stand behind him as well. This has been some busy time for us here!
We are also perilously close to naming a running mate, so stay tuned. Why describe it as perilous, you may be wondering? Well besides it being a rather smart phrase – perilously close! – invoking thoughts of danger and excitement, it is also highly effective in describing virtually everything connected to the impending Cetta presidency. Perilous indeed!
New posters and announcements are forthcoming! Vote This Guy!