But what do I slap on there? The original cover was intended to give the messy 33% Non-Fictional story a sort of textbook feel. Thus, the template with the generic layout, the non-expressive font, and the totally uninteresting subtitling.
I still like it, don’t get me wrong
Plus, there’s the index at the back of the book, to add to this textbook vibe, providing easy access to all the Antony and Cleopatra and cheap hand job references.
It’s helped scholars and perverts immensely
Filed under humor, Internet, Publishing, Writing
You are privileged to herein grab a glimpse at my awesome skills on display, with my real time editing process. Everyone who writes has their own way of doing this, and usually they don’t wait years after the last draft to pick up and start hacking through again. However, I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time pursuing insanely fruitless careers lately (movie extra, Presidential candidate, etc.) and am only now revisiting my completed but messy masterwork.
So let’s crack open the old Word doc and see how things stand, huh? I remember my first chapter being a real humding – what?! What the holy hell?! Seriously? This can’t be right. I don’t remember the first sentence being “Ye gawd Yardley, that crummy stumblebum?!” I wrote that?!? That doesn’t sound like my pitch perfect ear for dialogue at work. Can’t be. Continue reading
Filed under humor, Publishing, Writing
Meghan McCain finds herself embroiled in controversy this morning after posting a picture on popular social networking site Twitter.com yesterday in which she holds an Andy Warhol biography and smiles, clearly implying she enjoys it. The wildly sexy McCain, contributing writer for the website The Daily Beast, and her choice of literature elicited hundreds of negative comments and vociferous outrage about her choice of reading material.
“WHAT THE -?!” posted Twitter user SirSnarksalot. “How someone as mind-blowingly attractive as @McCainBlogette could be interested in a pasty no-talent like Warhol is personally offensive!”
“Incredible!” posted McDeetzey. “With a YOWZA body and killer smile like @McCainBlogette has, you think she’d know better! Warhol was a hack!” Continue reading
Sure, the Bible sequel didn’t pan out. Seems the church wasn’t willing to sponsor the project and adamantly refused to do weekly readings from the new “good book.” Fine. I can live with it. Also, editing the new book with a million covers and titles has proven disheartening, and the publisher is prepared to just call it Swill and release it without my approval. You know what? That’s fine, too. Cause I’ve concocted my surest firest success yet.
Yep, I’m going to get into the world of crank-‘em-out mystery novels. You know the kind – woman in her forties goes into a bookstore, says to herself that she’s looking for something that “looks like something I’d read.” They hit upon the mystery section – bingo! – find a book that seems to have a pattern in its title, almost guaranteeing an extended trip with the same characters down non surprising roads for many books to come, and next thing you know, this slightly pre-menopausal lady is out on the back porch, reading about some taxidermist getting himself stuffed in a department store, populated by wacky employees, and bringing in a wacky detective with wacky neuroses, making for interesting reading and light, fluffy evenings of enjoyment.
How hard could it possibly be? I’ve never even considered writing a mystery novel, but honestly, it’s gotta be ridiculously easy. I’ve read a few of the cheesy variety and you don’t even need a twisty plot. All it requires is a quirky enough detective and a catchy title. So let’s formulate this strategy. Continue reading
Filed under humor, Publishing, Writing
With 85,000 words down and only 10,000 or so to go, I figured it was time to start throwing out titles for the new book, just to see what the brass thought. The last one went through dozens of names before we (mostly) agreed on The Sunshine Man, even though in retrospect something more appealing to the public should probably have been sought. I say this as I still have two thousand copies of Sunshine sitting in a garage I rent out for the purpose in Wyalusing, PA. If you want one, just go grab it. I leave the padlock undone on purpose, so there’s no need to call the cops. Take as many as you like.
Anyway, this book naming business has long been my Achilles’ heel, and as this new book doesn’t have a snappy character or town name that immediately would lend itself to front the tale, I’ve had to go through a great many volleys with the people at Histrionic Press, my publisher. Here is where we’ve been so far: Continue reading
Filed under humor, Publishing, Writing
Knowingly Undersold 