Tag Archives: French

Today’s French Lesson

private-french-lessonsCulled from a variety of apps and websites designed to help you learn a new language, here were my valiant stabs at French today:

Please translate into French:

The spider is drinking some wine.

Me: What the hell?


The spider is drinking some wine.

Me: Jeez. Um.

*Typing* L’ariagnee boit du vin.


L’ariagnée boit du vin. Please pay attention to accents.

Me: Christ. Okay.

Please type in French: Continue reading


Filed under humor, Internet, Technology

To Paris with Boots

Tres shiny! *Note to self, look up "shiny"

Tres shiny! *Note to self, look up “shiny”

In preparation for our long-delayed honeymoon, I took it upon myself to learn as much French as possible, so that I could read street signs and not offend waiters with my horrid attempts to order blocks of cheese. I had nine full months to do this, and living in the modern age, there are countless resources available to achieve this on the cheap and convenient. Three weeks from the trip, I felt pretty good. I know the days of the week and can name a bunch of different meats. Then yesterday I realized I hadn’t learned the word for “happy,” and now I feel the whole plan was a complete and utter failure.

(I know the words for “cow” and “milk,” so I wouldn’t say it was an “udder” failure. Puns! Zing!) Continue reading

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Editing My Dusty Old Masterpiece

You are privileged to herein grab a glimpse at my awesome skills on display, with my real time editing process. Everyone who writes has their own way of doing this, and usually they don’t wait years after the last draft to pick up and start hacking through again. However, I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time pursuing insanely fruitless careers lately (movie extra, Presidential candidate, etc.) and am only now revisiting my completed but messy masterwork.

So let’s crack open the old Word doc and see how things stand, huh? I remember my first chapter being a real humding – what?! What the holy hell?! Seriously? This can’t be right. I don’t remember the first sentence being “Ye gawd Yardley, that crummy stumblebum?!” I wrote that?!? That doesn’t sound like my pitch perfect ear for dialogue at work. Can’t be. Continue reading

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Filed under humor, Publishing, Writing