Hoo-boy! This year’s fall classic was a real humdinger! Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, winning their eighth championship, and third in the last ten years, four games to two! And what games! Exciting! Riveting! And Knowingly Undersold was there!
That’s right, for the first time, our crack reporting team was on hand to witness the glory and grandeur of America’s pastime up close! Now, for reasons of transparency, it is worth noting that our travel and entertainment budget would not possibly have been able to include plane trips and hotels in Boston and St. Louis from our home base in Chicago, therefore only one game was actually attended. But what a game! Game Three! Let’s go now to that report, covering all the excitement of the 109th World Series! Continue reading
Ah, Paris! The City of Lights! It really is a gorgeous sight to behold. But you wouldn’t know it looking at our photographs. I don’t know what the hell happened to my skills behind the lens, maybe it was that long flight, maybe it was all the wine, but man, these pictures le suck! Hugely disappointing. Still! I didn’t want to deprive anyone of all the highlights of our glorious adventures in ancient France, so here we go!
Jesus. We took so many goddamn pictures of the Eiffel Tower, and do you think any of them came out worth a damn? Wait, here’s another one:
Filed under humor, Travel
The author in his natural habitat
You don’t know how many times I’ve been sitting in Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville on the Navy Pier and heard tourists grousing “Oh man, they’ve only got a three man shotski!” or “Oh wait, they have a five man one too, but not two or four!” This is an epidemic of colossally drunk proportions that Jimmy Buffett is totally uninterested in remedying. So that’s where I jump in.
“Oy! You need a third on that shotski?” And next thing you know, I’ve got free booze and new friends! I usually travel with pals too, who also like that liquor, so if the tourists need a few assistants on their quest to get smashed, we’re good to go!
But this is just regular Saturday night behavior here. What I want to talk about is that sorrier instance – when it is required to bookend a tourist on a three-man shotski. Continue reading
Tres shiny! *Note to self, look up “shiny”
In preparation for our long-delayed honeymoon, I took it upon myself to learn as much French as possible, so that I could read street signs and not offend waiters with my horrid attempts to order blocks of cheese. I had nine full months to do this, and living in the modern age, there are countless resources available to achieve this on the cheap and convenient. Three weeks from the trip, I felt pretty good. I know the days of the week and can name a bunch of different meats. Then yesterday I realized I hadn’t learned the word for “happy,” and now I feel the whole plan was a complete and utter failure.
(I know the words for “cow” and “milk,” so I wouldn’t say it was an “udder” failure. Puns! Zing!) Continue reading