Hoo-boy! This year’s fall classic was a real humdinger! Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, winning their eighth championship, and third in the last ten years, four games to two! And what games! Exciting! Riveting! And Knowingly Undersold was there!
That’s right, for the first time, our crack reporting team was on hand to witness the glory and grandeur of America’s pastime up close! Now, for reasons of transparency, it is worth noting that our travel and entertainment budget would not possibly have been able to include plane trips and hotels in Boston and St. Louis from our home base in Chicago, therefore only one game was actually attended. But what a game! Game Three! Let’s go now to that report, covering all the excitement of the 109th World Series! Continue reading
“Hey, do you want to come over for the Bears game?”
“Starts at noon! Bring chips!”
12:00. Sunday, September 8th. Chicago. Southport & Wellington. Some guy’s apartment.
“You give Cutler time and he’s great!”
“The Bengals suck anyway!”
“Yikes. At least they’re still in it!”
“Lot of time left!”
“Robbie Gould’s career long field goal, you guys!”
“No one cares about the kicking game!” Continue reading
I’m just a pimp on the Goodyear Blimp,
And each of my whores adores me.
Airborne ecstasy, and the healthcare is free,
And their door in the floor is above me.
I burst up like a mole if a dude gets too rude,
Levy out a toll, then lighten the mood.
“Bring out the whiskey!” I shout to the intern,
The whore leans to kiss me and continues to earn. Continue reading
Friends, we here in Chicago are in a quandary. You see, it’s the middle of summer, and even though the NFL lockout is over, the populace largely hates Jay Cutler (sad but true) and thinks Lovie Smith may secretly be an assistant coach with the Green Bay Packers (it would explain A LOT). The Blackhawks are a year removed from winning the Stanley Cup, but it’s still hockey, every game of which is kinda like a racist, Canadian slasher movie.
The Bulls were great this year, true, but this is a franchise that won a half dozen titles in the not-so-distant past, so only coming close to the Finals is barely reason to celebrate. It’s a 10% off sale. It’s winning a free lottery ticket. Which leaves us with the national pastime. Continue reading