Category Archives: Media

"For the last time, my name is not fucking Moonman"

It’s a dingy nameless underground bar on the outskirts of Bangalore, and palpable misery hangs in the air.  A Kingfisher sits on most of the knife-scarred tables, as patrons stare suspiciously at one another with rheumy eyes out from underneath heavy, weathered lids.  The sun has never touched the dank dirt floor, and a mop isn’t a regular tourist in the john.  The bartender keeps a cricket bat wrapped in barbed wire within arm’s reach at all times.  He has a tattoo on his forearm that just says “Screw face,” but in Kannada it’s much prettier.  The lights, already low enough to develop pictures by, sink even further toward the pitch.  A busted upright piano which looks to have been around since well before British occupation is wheeled out with squeaks and groans, and a shadowy figure takes his seat behind it.

“Hello there, Bangalore!” he shouts.  There is no response.  “Oh, I’m sorry,” he adds, voice gargling sarcasm, “Bengaluru.  I’m sorry, I was here before it was fucking Bengaluru, so I call it Bangalore.  If you’ve got a problem with ‘Bangalore’, don’t let your ass get struck by the door!  On your way out, I mean, it just doesn’t fit with the rhyme.”

Then he launches into one of his notable songs, a jingle that sold millions of all beef patties with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on sesame seed buns.

“When the clock strikes half past 6, babe

Time to head for golden lights

It’s a good time for the great taste — dinner!

At McDonald’s, it’s Mac Tonight

Come on, make it Mac Tonight!” Continue reading →